Why are women, who seem to be more ready to unburden themselves to other people especially to other women so reluctant to tell their husbands about any infidelities that they almost never admit to an indiscretion--even when the husband is sheepishly admitting his own? Recent studies have shown that men are far more likely to confess an affair to their wives than wives are to their husbands. What are women willing to tell other women? What are men willing to tell other men? How do the differences affect our everyday lives?
How are friendships affected by confession? How much should you admit to a friend if you want to keep the relationship intact? Confessional daytime talk shows notwithstanding, perhaps no human activity is so personal, so introspective or so noble as confessing. Under the heading "confession" we can file a range of activities and emotions-- from unburdening ourselves about an affair to admitting that we dye our hair.
We want to be forgiven when we have insulted, when we've deceived , when we've demeaned, when we've abandoned, when we've betrayed. We want to be forgiven for everything, big and small, what we've done and left undone. Occasionally we manage to bite our tongues and get past the need to act out our confession, but more often we find that confession--of one sort or another--is integral to our self-esteem. Or perhaps we find that we end up telling our deepest and scariest secrets despite ourselves because the desire to confess is too strong to be driven underground for more than a brief time.
So it goes with confession. We are willing to run the risk of forfeiting those possessions usually held dear--pride, privacy, and detachment--in the interest of being able to start over with a clean slate, to have the proverbial record expunged. I think confession should be distinguished from the urge to dump a fairly self involved pursuit of relief from guilt that often harms someone else.
Maybe that's what makes the Catholic confessional and the secular confessional therapy, of course so attractive. Some uninvolved party hears it all and might even help decide the proper way to make amends and even let it go. Confessional talk show appearances and books: with few exceptions, nothing more than self exploitation. After the first few thrillers, haven't they all gotten to be a bit of a yawn? I hope recovery from loss of a gall bladder and from the preceding fear is complete and relatively trouble-free. As for recovering from religion of any kind or its effects , it's fine in concept but probably unachievable in reality.
I had an aunt who changed her allegiance of faith as frequently as she changed her hair color, in a time when doing neither was considered quite respectable. Myself, I think I have great tolerance for any religion, so long as no one expects me to observe it and so long as they don't talk about it or write about it for too long.
But I'm set against confession. Revelation is one thing; confession does as everyone has indicated intimate guilt. Like Mae West, I've "been things and done places," but who can feel guilty about having made an informed choice? If you are properly informed before making a choice, you know if there are likely to be consequences.
Appendix 3: The Confession of Downfalls to the Thirty-Five Buddhas | Lama Yeshe Wisdom Archive
Guilt just doesn't seem pertinent. I have had issues with the Catholic Church for decades. I left it in and have never looked back. To me, the church manufactures "sins" in order to keep its clientele in check, coming back more and more for absolution. Its a veritable guilt-factory.
Everything said and done, even remotely would qualify as a "sin", as the ever-growing lists continue to pile up. What concerns me is that it overlooks conscious, deliberate choices that people make in life; choices that have consequences. In short, the church breeds the misery for making the choices, and then in some sort of fashion promises some sort of forgiveness and redemption for those choices.
Basically, it is saying you shouldn't sin, but everything's a sin from the bizarre to the mundane, from the natural to the sublime; and so you have no personal responsibility for it after you've confessed and done penance. I hate to say this, but it seems like an excuse to sin today, pray tomorrow -- "Sinning on the installment plan. The other thing is they play on fear, fear of eternal death, of burning in hell's fires; or being parked in purgatory till bailed out.
How can true, unconditional love arise between a person and God, if one has to fear God's love? Its not true love. To me that's the evil of the Church. Unfortunately many other related sects use similar tactics, Lutherans I was raised Lutheran , Orthodox Jews my father survived a POW internment in a Nazi camp so he made me go to the Jewish Sunday School and attend services at a temple, as he became a practicing Jew after the war. I then went to the Catholic School and trained there for confirmation and first communion, later in the end after all -- renouncing the faith entirely.
I was called a heretic, an apostate, yada yada yada. To me that whole thing smacks of everything anti-God. I believe no more in the Church than the Hebrew Old Testament that portrays God as basically a wrathful, vengeful and retributive God. For what its worth, I think the healthiest thing one can do if they choose to confess is simply privately confess to God.
No intermediaries, no priests, no reverends no collars of any kind. If you believe in God, then I suspect the simple act of contrition is sufficient, and then you find your way to make things better.
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Much of our negative, addictive behavior, and our chronic feelings of guilt and shame are rooted in Biblical and religious shame: there is simply no legitimate reason for this. Please visit this blog I've created, which I believe you will find more than helpful. You never know, you may save a life. I have heard from so many people across the country who had no idea this information was being withheld from them.
Now I am "intentioning" it to go around the world. It is interesting how acceptable "Recovering Catholic" is as a term of art by the learned cognoscenti.
L'Agapédie des Afreux Kaïens de la Diaspora et des Perfora en ligne...
Catholicism as Pathology - well of course! Everyone I know from Boston to New York agrees with me! So tell me though, are people who have fallen away from other religious traditions similarly "Recovering"? Part of the impact of confession is magical thinking, as in "If I speak these terrible things, they will be released from my conscience, and all will be loosened.
The only thing not explored is perhaps the most obvious thing: that all of us have things we hide and deny, and thus all of us have stuff to confess. Except for me. I confess I am too conventional and boring. I stole a lollipop in fourth grade. On some level we all know that no person is perfect and that most of us have some dark secrets we haul around with us while smiling out at the world.
Still, I believe we need assurance of our normality; a pat on the back that tells us that our burdens are no more haneous than the ones our neighbors carry. This may be the main reason we hang around people we consider to be like us.
La confession négative
Sure having similiar interests and shared stories is grand but on a deeper level we feel that these people relate to our flaws and accept us anyway. My boyfriend and I always joke in the voice of a jaded Vietnam veteren, "I've seen some things man. It's a perfect union of imperfect souls.
Barreca is a recovering Catholic.
What's your point? Simply that practicing Judaism is not viewed as a pathology inside the Boston - New York axis. Practicing Catholicism is. Moreover, it's fair to say that few PT bloggers have any religious sensibilities. And surely many readers lack them too. That's fine by me. They are all fully entitled to their personal convictions.
However, using a term like Recovering Catholic is a crude indictment that instructs those who don't know any better. Believe it or not, even Catholics have spiritual dimensions that extend beyond caricature. But you wouldn't know that by reading Barreca.
I don't mind Barreca ruminating on her spiritual evolution. But I agree with the first commenter here, "Recovering Catholic" is a convenient way to blame an institution for all of one's problems. I wonder if part of the need to confess only to certain people is about our sense of emotional safety with that other person. I wonder if women would tell their secrets to their man if he were able to remain nonjudgmental and supportive even when the confession involved hurting him?
Isn't that ability to remain emotionally safe for others more common in the general make up of women, gennerally speaking of course. In the conffessional there is emotional safety built into the task itself: one person confesses, the other one listens without a lot of interaction. I wonder if more of us learned to listen, would more of us dare to tell our secrets? It's very coincidental that I dreamt last night of going to confession. My confession dream dealt with me having to confess that I didn't go to confession enough, which made me feel guilty both in my dream and in real life.
People could probably go to town with my confession dream and question whether I am currently dealing with guilt, and I suppose my response would be, well yeah. Is there anyone who can make it through a week without feeling guilty about something? And, when it comes to confessing to others, I've realized it depends on the person. To some, I will confess to one friend my guilt for eating that second sundae and to others my guilt over not returning phone calls.
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Thinking of you during your surgery! It involves a conversation, trust, and growth. Many years ago, I was asked to give a talk on Reconciliation to a group of people becoming Catholic, and I had a difficult time with it because I was in the throes of no longer believing I needed to confess to a priest; so I researched the facts and presented it. Mission accomplished. I wish i had been braver to speak my thoughts at the time. The kind of person i want to be essay about myself ib survival extended essay analysis essay on good country people krinein critique essay.
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